Happiness is a Warm Parent
Searching for the recipe for a happy life for your child? The single most ingredient, child development expert agree, is loving, physical contact. One long-term study, in fact, which followed its subjects from early childhood into their thirties, showed that being raised with an abundance of hugs, kisses, and cuddling went further toward producing happy adults than being raised with any other advantage, and even seemed to help negate such potential risk factors as poverty, broken homes, and stress.
The study suggests that kids who are hugged a lot are not only more likely to turn out to be happy adults, but to find more satisfaction in all areas of life, including marriage and family, friendships, and career. So bear in mind that ubiquitous bumper sticker and ask yourself frequently: “Have I hugged my child today?” Of course, hugging a child doesn’t guarantee lifetime happiness. Happiness also stems from satisfying relationships, from helping others, from succeeding at endeavors, from self-esteem, from knowing oneself and one’s goals. So it’s important to help children to develop all these aspects of their lives. And to stress that ultimately we all make our own happiness – that it doesn’t come from possessions or food or anything else external.
That’s not to stay that a child must have a pain-free childhood to be happy. In fact, a very sheltered upbringing can lead to culture shock when a child finally exposed to the real world. It’s better for a child to recognize that no one is happy all the time, that life has its good times and bad times, and that, with love, you can cope with the worst of them. Be an upbeat role model when possible; try to be optimistic and satisfied with your lot.
Happy parents tend to raise happy children, but don’t feel obligated to put on a happy face when you’re down. It’s okay to discuss the fact that you’re sad today because something went wrong at work or because your best friend moved away. Talk about the positive things you do to make yourself feel better when you’re sad, such as hugging someone you love, listening to your favorite music, playing the piano, reading a book, doing a puzzle, going for a jog, talking to a friend, or helping someone. Avoid suggesting the use of food or money to bring happiness – would be misleading (of course, never turn to alcohol or drugs for a lift – in front of your child or behind closed doors).