Peace Talking To Children
We don’t have to be an international diplomat or negotiator to encourage peace conversation with our children. In fact, children who have been taught to understand the importance of verbal conflict resolution – such as the art of using right words instead of physical aggression to deal with frustrations and anger – will end up using peace talking as a choice in resolving their life conflict.
Since toddler has very limited verbal skills, it is quite difficult to show them how words can be effective. After all, it’s the fact that their words are ineffective that so often leads them to instead use their fists and body language. But while your message might seem lost of your toddler now, sending it regularly and reinforcing it in years to come will help ensure that one day it will get through.
Practice equal to preach. Children will get the message to resolve disputes by using words rather than action if the parents show the examples by actions as well as words. Remember that children are the mini copy of their parents. These examples can be set dozens of time everyday – such as, discussing problem with spouse calmly instead of slamming doors and banging fists, by informing your neighbor that his dog has been making trouble in your garbage again instead of taking revenge by throwing the garbage to his garden, and, especially, by sitting down and explaining to your toddler what’s wrong with hitting rather than hitting him for hitting.
Talk to your toddler. A toddler might not capable for having verbal negotiation when his toy has been taken away from him, or explaining his frustration for his inability to fit the octagon into the shape-sorter. So, when necessary, you can help by supplying the words. But wait until you’re sure your toddler won’t be able to speak for him or herself. Step in, for example, when the dispute over a coveted toy begins to escalate dangerously and suggest taking turns (a timer can help make this advance diplomatic skill easier to carry off). Or sit down and empathize about that hard-to-fit-in shape – “Are you upset? Is that a very tough shape to get in? Maybe if we do it together, we can get in”
Encouragement to talk. Children should feel free to express feeling verbally, even negative feelings (such as anger, disappointment, and frustration). Guide your child to examine and verbalize feelings: “Why did you hit him? Are you angry at him? What made you so angry?” And don’t show unpleasant self-expression through rude language, although saying “I hate you” or “You are a bad girl” is far more civilized that reaching out and punching someone. Clamping down on abusive or rude language should come later, when your child is able to understand the difference between self-expression and rudeness. In the meantime, avoiding abusive and rude language yourself will set a good example your child is likely to follow
Become their role model. Point out peaceful interactions in the playground – “Look how nicely those children are sharing the sandbox toys” – but don’t add judgmental commentary – “How come you can’t get along like that” – Look for, and read to your toddler, books that show the merits of handling disputes by negotiation. Avoid televisions programs and videos that show differences being resolved through violence and favor those that try to teach children how to talk out problems